How Amazing is it?

     

     I have been thinking about grace and its power to change how we see ourselves and therefore how we live.  God teaches us often through the people He brings into our lives. I want to talk about my relationship with a man that I have gotten to know even before I started in street support with New Life Prison Ministry.  I first met him at a soup kitchen and when I did I could see in him someone who had a very dark life.  It wasn’t just the ominous tattoos on his shaved head and all down his neck and arms, he also had a hard face and cold, aggressive eyes. He was obviously there that day to make connections with other known drug users and many seemed to know him. I remember throwing up a prayer that day:  “Lord, I want to get to know that man.”  He seemed very, very far away.

    He and I did meet months later, when he came looking for me with two friends, a man and a woman.  They were high on something when they came to my office.  They were boisterous; laughing at their own private jokes, loud and crude.  They asked me for help in finding them an apartment.  The two men told me they had just been released from prison and were homeless.  The woman with them seemed obviously unhealthy, very thin and unsteady on her feet. I told them I couldn’t help them that day but would be thrilled to do so the next day when they were sober and we could work together.  They didn’t come back. In fact, it took my friend about a year or so before he eventually did return and ask me for support to make the changes he wanted to make in his life.

    It is now two years later and a lot has happened. There have been many ups and downs in our relationship but slowly trust between us has grown.  A lifetime of addictions, deceit, violence, theft and incarceration has meant a great deal of instability in his life. People from his past who seek him out easily influence him. He has been re-arrested two times, relapsed many, many times, been housed and then lost his housing one time and lives under the constant threat of eviction in his new place. Each day he walks a tightrope of recovery and could easily fall off. Looking at him from the outside and you might not see much change. Something is happening on the inside though. He is using less street drugs.  He has been in his own apartment now for almost 2 years, the first time he has been able to hold onto an apartment for decades.  It has been over a year since his last arrest and he is coming to the end of his probation time. He is lucid and alert much of the time, able to paint, reading books again. 

   Last week things took a turn for the worse and I thought we were done.  I got a call from the hospital telling me he was in emergency, bloodied and high on drugs.  By the time I got to the hospital he had been discharged and had started walking back to his apartment.  I drove the route but didn’t find him until I pulled into his parking lot. He had just arrived at the front door and was standing outside: shirtless, unsteady on his feet, one pant leg ripped off.  I have no idea how he made it back safely. He hadn’t remembered walking home and thought I had driven him from the hospital and that his keys were in my car. It was obvious he had been in a fight as the corner of his eye was cut and a thread of dried blood wound its way down from the gash to his jaw. He was angry, as he couldn’t find the key to get into his apartment. The people in his apartment responded to his yelling and banging and opened the door for him. I followed to make sure he was going to be okay.  Once in he went right to the coffee table and started preparing another pipe to smoke. His “guests” then became acutely aware of my presence and yelled at him to stop. He yelled at me to leave, so I did.

     I left that scene pretty certain that our relationship would never be the same, that we had crossed a line and that he was lost again to that lifestyle of addictions and crime.  I felt defeated and was resigned to the fact that he was going to lose his housing and that all the other progress he had made would be reversed.

     I have been taking him to church for a number of months now.  Most people in the community who know him are amazed that he is going.  I wouldn’t say he exactly blends in or that he even really understands everything said and done, as church is such a foreign environment for him. He sometimes comes and sleeps through the sermon but most times is attentive. He tells me he feels good there, enjoys the music and the Bible messages.  He attributes his most recent bout of stability and near-sobriety to God and his daily prayers to Him.  He tells me that God has made the difference this time for him. I felt that this was over because of what had happened and the condition I had seen him in during the week. How could I go back this coming Sunday and expect him to join me again?  Would he feel ashamed?  Would he feel he had let me down and therefore distance himself? Would he feel like giving up because he had failed?

    I had decided I wasn’t going to “bother” him that week about joining me in church. Then, on Sunday morning, I felt God directing my heart a different way and I changed my mind as I was driving.  I decided that I would drive by his house just on the off chance that he was ready and willing to go to church.  I said to myself: “I don’t want to be the cause of his giving up on God and on himself.” As I pulled into his parking lot I was very surprised to see that he was there, waiting for me, with one eye purpled and the cut above it still swollen and scabbed. In the car we talked about what had happened a couple of days before.  He acknowledged that he wasn’t doing very well and was allowing others to influence him.

   The message spoken by the preacher that morning touched on who we are in Christ.  He spoke about faith in Jesus that brings about new birth. He highlighted the truths about us being a new creation and how the weakness and sin of Romans 7 doesn’t define us anymore, but that we live in the truth of Romans 8 and the power of the Holy Spirit in us to live up to our new reality in Christ. He spoke about us seeing ourselves, as we are, a new creation in Jesus; “the old has gone, the new has come.”  As I looked at my friend my question was: can that message of a grace that totally transforms us and changes for eternity our destiny really work for someone so enslaved by a lifestyle of defeat? Can that message be powerful enough to empower my traumatized, addicted friend to see himself differently and live in his new reality?   Can I believe that God’s grace is sufficient for him and will see him through to a life that glorifies God? Can I treat him and others I meet with the same grace that I experience? I said to my friend: “It doesn’t matter how much you have failed during the week- I never want to hear you say that you feel too ashamed to come to church, because God will never close the door on you. He will never give up on you. He loves you that much.” In the car, as I drove him home afterwards, we listened to a song by Big Daddy Weave from the album “Come to Life” called “Redeemed.”  It seemed appropriate.

   (see it at http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=0BBCCCNU )

“Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home”

  I must believe the message of the grace of God that has transformed us. It is what gives us cause to hope.  Can we live in the reality of that grace that allows us to live up to what we have already been made? 

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.”

1 Corinthians 15:10 (NIV)

Prayer for April

     

Ever need others?

  

    Dear friend:
       This psalm is a prayer of David.  We are told he wrote it while trapped in a cave, hiding from those who would kill him.

Psalm 142:7

Set me free from my prison

that I may praise your name.

Then the righteous will gather about me

because of your goodness to me.

       I was thinking about the confidence he expresses to God, that once he is freed, God’s people will gather around him to support and encourage him.  How much we all need this.  I think of the people God has surrounded me with, and others that He brought into my life for a season.  I think of family, both immediate and extended who loved me even at my worst and have always supported Lil and I in our attempts to serve God.  I think of leaders and co-workers who have shown us what it means to be loyal to God and to put Him first in their lives, sometimes very sacrificially.  I think of our dear friends in Guayaquil and other parts of Ecuador who taught us so much about perseverance and faith.  The times that I have felt alone have been very few in my Christian life.  Who has been an important part of your life and been an encouragement to you? Lets give God thanks for those who have “gathered about us.”

     At the same time, lets remember that we too are called to “gather about” those around us who God has set, and is setting free.  He can use you and I to encourage and build up others as we show His love to those who are emerging from a place of darkness and hopelessness- and this can find its expression in many different forms: depression and other mental health issues, addictions, broken relationships, and yes, prison.  God is working in the lives of many- how can you and I be a part of what He is doing?  Lets not let fear stop us.

     Lil and I want to thank you for your support, and the love you show us as you “gather about us” either in prayer, words of encouragement or through your financial support.  

Prayer:

1/ I am visiting Guayaquil after almost 3 years from April 22-May 7. Pray that God give me wisdom for use of my time.  There are many people to see and many conversations to have. Pray that God will use me to encourage both the church and the school workers in Bastion Popular.  Pray for Lil too as she “holds the fort” in Cambridge.

2/ Give thanks for Michael, Darryl, Rob, Chris, Mark, Ben, William and others who are doing well, connected with churches, encouraged in their faith. There are many men and women who God has allowed me to get to know through the Aftercare ministry at New Life Prison Ministry- pray that their lives will help others to trust in Jesus Christ as He works in them.

3/ Pray for wisdom for us as we support others going through complicated and difficult times

4/ Pray too that God will open doors for this important aftercare work to grow and develop

      In Christ’s love, Tim and Lil

  For more thoughts on how we can “gather about” check out my blog at: http://timhorne.blogspot.ca/2013/03/thoughts-on-gathering-about.html

If you feel God is encouraging you to give financially: contact Lil or I at 519-653-4136 or New Life Prison Ministry at 519-666-1950 or info@nlpm.com

Follow @NLPMAftercare on Twitter for daily prayer requests from the ministry

  

Thoughts on "Gathering About"

Psalm 142:7

Set me free from my prison,
    that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
    because of your goodness to me.

I met with a man in prison a week or so ago now.  He had requested a visit to discuss his discharge plans as he nears his release date. During his time in prison he had come to understand more about who Jesus is and how his life will be transformed if he trusts Him and seeks to follow Him. He has no church to call “home”.  It will all be new. I told this man I would do a bit of research into different options near where he will be living after he leaves prison. I checked into a few places and wrote an email to one that seemed that it might be a good fit. In my note to one of the pastors,  I introduced New Life Prison Ministry (http://www.nlpm.com/).  I explained that my role as Director of Aftercare is to help men and women leaving prison find a community of Christ-followers where they can grow and contribute.  I then shared a little bit about the man I had visited and his needs.  I asked if he thought the church would be willing to welcome him. Here is his encouraging response:  “Absolutely, I would love to speak with you this week and get some information and find out how I could connect with him. No fears or worries, this is what the people of God are supposed to be anyway.” 

    I don’t for a moment believe the transition process is going to be easy for this church, or for the individual trying to fit in, but the initial attitudes are positive and good. I look forward to meeting with the pastor and talking about how the church can do its job. There may be some training and follow-up involved.  One thing I am sure of though, for this to work, there are going to have to be realistic expectations on both sides. 

   No church is or ever will be perfect and the “returnee” must understand that we are all just trying to survive sometimes and can’t respond to every need the moment it arises. The “returnee” also must understand and take ownership of his/her own walk with Jesus.  There are things that no one can do for us and that we must accept responsibility for. Having a supportive church doesn’t mean I have no responsibility to take care of my own relationship with God.  Being disappointed with a church also doesn’t give me an excuse for giving up, it really just means I need to keep on looking for that place that meets my needs as a growing Christian and offers an opportunity to serve. 

   For the church, it is critically important that “patience” and “mercy” be evident in our dealings with men and women either coming out of prison or out of a lifestyle that has enslaved them. It takes time to change.  It takes time and it takes failure. There are many stops and starts. It involves going through setbacks and successes. When we as Christians forget just how patient and merciful God is with us then impatience and judgment can set in and ruin the restoration process both for the “returnee” and the church that opened its doors to her/him. I am so thankful that God doesn’t give up on me- how can I give up on someone else? As Christians we must overcome despair and discouragement and believe that God can redeem and restore.  Our role is to “gather about” those who have trusted Jesus for release from their prison, whatever that prison may be.

 

A Lost Opportunity

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      In my role in after-care support for students of New Life Prison Ministry I go to many places: prisons, coffee shops, people’s homes, doctor’s offices and probation and parole offices being some of them.  I also go to court fairly often. This past week my wife Lil was able to join me to observe the sentencing of a fellow I have been visiting at a local Detention Centre.  I have visited him 5 times during the past few months and he and I have been able to talk about many things, mostly connected to is charges and plans for life after his release from prison.  He came to my attention after a fellow worker with New Life Prison Ministry spoke to me about him.  A little later the Volunteer Coordinator at the prison called and asked if I could connect with him.  There are concerns that every time he is released from prison he returns again within days or weeks.   After my first visit with him I understood why that was his pattern.  J has a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome and because he started bouncing around from foster home to foster home at the age of 1 year, he was never able to get the kind of loving support or consistent treatment and therapy needed to learn how to function properly in society.  He has been taught few or no coping skills or strategies.

   The charges that J has pled guilty to throughout his lengthy criminal history can all be linked directly to his condition with its relational challenges. You see, when someone has been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, in J’s case, Asperger’s Syndrome, there are some characteristics that tend to be present: (http://www.autismsocietycanada.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=17&Itemid=51&lang=en).  J shares many of those characteristics. He is very challenged in relationships as he has difficulty in interpreting social cues or in entering into the feelings and understanding of others.  He has a heightened sense of what is right and true.  If he feels someone else is slighting him or he is being lied to, he can’t let it go and it becomes his focus and the main topic of conversation. Socially he is awkward and therefore has a difficult time making friends and maintaining those friendships.  He is painfully aware of his loneliness.

   The justice system in Canada, for all its strengths (and I know it does have many strengths), has some weaknesses too.  The obvious one I observed in J’s case was the inability to respond to the particular circumstances of the “offender”, in this case a developmental disorder.  J has a diagnosis that directly relates to his offenses- that was ignored by the judge and the crown prosecutor who only focussed on the behaviour, not the underlying reasons for it. Neither this man, or the community are better served by a term of incarceration yet that is what he received because, as the judge said: “it is time he is taught that his behaviour is unacceptable to society.”  The behaviour was not dangerous- deterrence was not given as a reason for the decision. J doesn't understand what he did was criminally wrong.  Punishment was the only motive for the judge’s harsh words and crushing decision. The judge was wrong and his decision to sentence J to an extra year behind bars doesn't reflect true justice.  It will, in my opinion, only serve to damage a man and do nothing to resolve the problem.

     For someone with J’s challenges, prison will not be a positive teacher. He will be extremely vulnerable to teasing and other forms of abuse while “inside.”  In some ways, and in spite of all he has seen and lived, J has the naïve innocence of a four year-old child.  I left many of our conversations smiling because of the simple yet profound way J has of looking at life.  He genuinely doesn’t understand what he did wrong and why he was arrested. “Isn’t lying wrong, Tim?” he continually asked me.  J contends that he was the aggrieved person. If he doesn’t understand that his actions were inappropriate and unlawful, how will he learn from the punishment the judge felt he had earned? What will a term in prison do to calm his anger and feelings of injustice?  How will he learn how to cope in society?  It is entirely possible that he will come out in much worse shape than when he went in. And if he does, the downward spiral of his life that started when he suffered abuse as a child and was placed in foster care will continue.  

     J and I had dedicated considerable time to come up with a plan of support for him after his release.  We talked about him getting involved in various, positive activities- like church attendance, peer support groups, and healthy supportive relationships. We talked about him getting involved in counselling to insure that he learn skill for coping with life’s stresses. I remain very saddened by the way the justice system failed J. He cried as it dawned on him that his time in detention was not going to end that day.  His biggest concern was that he had missed his mother’s birthday the day before.  He begged that he be allowed to be “free” so he could give her a hug.  His other concern was that: “I am not that kind of man people say I am.”  He just wants to be understood for who he is and judged for what is in his heart- and who doesn’t?

    For many in the court that day, an imprisoned J means that a problem was dealt with and is now removed from view.  For others his was just another case to be closed, with many more to move on to.  But that isn’t how it is.  This was an opportunity missed. Now he is a frightened and confused man who doesn’t really understand what happened and why it has happened. He will need hope. He will need reassurance. He will need something to look forward to. He needs to know that not everyone is angry with him or wants to forget about him or punish him.  He needs to know that God still cares.  That is what God has called all of us in prison ministry to do.

Numbered with the Transgressors

                                                                  
  The title of this blog entry comes from Isaiah 53:12 and refers to the coming Messiah.  This passage in Isaiah is considered to be a prophecy fulfilled by Jesus Christ when he died on the cross, one criminal to his right, and another to his left. He died as a criminal, rejected, judged, condemned.  He dealt with this rejection his whole life as Matthew Henry http://www.blueletterbible.org/commentaries/comm_view.cfm?AuthorID=4&contentID=1381&commInfo=5&topic=Isaiah&ar=Isa_53_12 reminds us: "In his whole life he was numbered among the transgressors; for he was called and accounted a sabbath-breaker, a drunkard, and a friend to publicans and sinners." 
    This past week I felt I could understand how Jesus might have felt at various points in his life as he was judged for those he hung out with.  Part of my role in Aftercare is to accompany the individuals who have asked for support after their release in their court appearances. One fellow I have gotten to know committed another offence and was arrested again. I have visited him during his detention a few times.  His offences weren't serious enough to result in much additional time incarcerated. I needed to discuss with him a safety plan for after his return to the community so he doesn't re-offend.
    During the court proceedings it became evident that many present were very angry. The other people in that courtroom that day were looking for punishment: the Crown, the police, his victim and friend. Even his lawyer was very cynical when talking to me about him. There was a desire for him to be hurt because of what he had done. There is fear about him coming back to the community. When I was identified as someone who would be helping him I could feel coldness descend on the courtroom. This man does have a horrendous criminal record and his prospects for successful integration into the community bleak.  He is considered a high risk of re-offending and was being threatened with a Dangerous Offender classification, meaning that he could be held indefinitely in custody. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dangerous_offender.  My identification with him meant I too was looked at with suspicion. I felt that coldness, I felt those looks. 
   Now, I don't minimize his offences, I don't condone his actions. I don't want to help him evade responsibility for his actions. But I do believe he is God's creation. I do believe that God loves him and that no matter what he has done. As far as I understand it and have experienced it in my own life, I know that God's grace is sufficient and he can be forgiven. I also believe that even if he never changes and experiences success in overcoming his issues with addictions and mental heath, he still needs to experience the love of God through his people. Finally, I am also firmly convinced that as a followers of Jesus we can't give up on anyone.  
     As God calls us to love those that society rejects, we must be ready to feel that rejection and sometimes be misunderstood. In that way we can experience what the Apostle Paul longed to experience: "I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." Philippians 3:10