Decisions

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

      There are times when trying to live the Christian life means tough choices. Those are moments when it becomes crystal clear that we can no longer say we are followers of Jesus and continue on the path we are on.  We weigh the consequences of our decision: the positives and negatives, the emotional, financial and social price to be paid. We can do that for a long time, afraid to decide, hoping that we won’t have to choose.  While we hesitate, we can get caught in limbo while we go back and forth between the options.  In one sense, we get stuck and, even though life happens to us, we are not the protagonists; we only begin experiencing the consequences of our indecision.  Not deciding brings consequences too.  We might hesitate because our choice may cause someone else either hurt or disappointment- after all, we don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s pain. Or, we might delay choosing because we don't know where the path might take us, so we balk at the thought of leaving the safe and comfortable to strike out towards the unknown.  

     When a person leaves prison, he or she is overwhelmed by the choices that can come thick and fast.  Where to live? Who to hang out with? How to live?  In aftercare, our role is to help clarify the different options before the person, and educate as to which might be the way of Jesus.  We can only encourage people to choose His way. We might like to make the choices for them, but that would be wrong and in the end, pointless.  So we watch them choose and try to love them as they do so. 

     As I write this, I can think of at least two folks I know who are at a fork in their road. If they don’t know it yet, they will do so soon.  I hope that they choose well. I pray they choose to follow Jesus and His way, even though it means they will be letting some people down and even though it might take them on a rocky road for a time.  Their needs are being incompletely met at this time- only He can offer abundant life.

Joshua 24:15

….choose this day whom you will serve…

Matthew 16:24

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Those who want to come with me must say no to the things they want, pick up their crosses, and follow me.

Living by the Dismas Code

   We all live by codes, by sets of values and beliefs that define our attitudes and behaviours. The codes we live by not only help us understand the “rules,” (the way we are expected to live,) but also help us figure out where we fit in the “society” that defines them.

   Business people, athletes, politicians, lawyers, engineers and military personnel all have specific codes to live by. They may have different names; like protocol or practices but they are the same thing. In prison there is something called the “prison” or “inmate code” and it dictates life “inside.”  It is very much an “us versus them” structure, which pits the prisoners against “the system” or "the man."  In this arrangement, any cooperation with prison guards is judged harshly because they are considered the enemy.  The prisoner code can place a value on individuals according to the crime they committed and the length of time served. For instance, “lifers” are treated with a certain level of respect as they have survived more years incarcerated. “Rats” (informers) are not tolerated in this code and other crimes that victimize the weak in society (children for instance) are loathed. Perpetrators can be violently punished by other prisoners.  Loyalty, “being solid”, is highly valued and “doing your own time” (keeping to yourself and out of jailhouse politics) is recommended for survival.  The code is complex and specific to the culture in prison.

   Christians live by a code too.  It is Jesus’ code and found throughout the Bible, but specifically in the New Testament.  Jesus challenged us to follow his example and to obey his teaching.   The problem comes to us when codes that may have guided us in the past or that others around us hold come into conflict with how we know Jesus wants us to live.  In those moments when the codes clash we have to decide; who do we want to be? what do we want to become? and where do our primary loyalties lie? I can think of many examples of this but one that comes to mind is that of my grandfather, Rice Thomas Hopkins Horne.  He spent a significant amount of time imprisoned in Dartmoor Prison during WW1 because he couldn’t reconcile going to war and claiming to follow the Prince of Peace. Christ’s code, as he understood it, clashed with the societal code that encouraged young men to go to war.

     I remember in university residence I was given an opportunity to chose which code I wanted to live by; either the residence code or my "Jesus code."  During orientation week the other students in the dorm chose a victim to haze. Apparently there was a tradition each orientation week that included stripping a person of his clothes, tying him to a chair and after smearing him with mayonnaise, mustard, etc., putting him in an elevator of a nearby hospital and pushing every button so that, on every floor, the doors would open revealing him to anyone waiting to get on. The victim chosen that year was terrified as the gang gathered around the door to his room. He phoned my room and asked me to help.  I had to choose which code to live by- the residence code or Jesus' code. After a brief internal dialogue I did so by stepping out of my room, getting between the crowd and the fellow’s door and telling them it was not going to happen. They lost interest and walked away but it meant a few difficult months for me as I angered some in the mob.

     Those kinds of choices are before us each day- which code will determine our beliefs and behaviour? Which code has our loyalty above all others?

   Over the past few years I have been involved in something called the Dismas Network, a loose association of Dismas Fellowships across Southwestern Ontario. The purpose and vision of a Dismas Fellowship is to: “build a community of hope by enabling people of faith to get involved in creative and healing activities to persons touched by crime” and that is accomplished by "extending the hand of friendship and getting involved with an ex-prisoner through fellowship and walking together.'" (http://www.friendsofdismas.com/about-2/ministry-of-friendship/dismas-fellowship/)    Every Dismas Fellowship has a code too, and it is defined and explained by what we call the “Dismas values”. These values, the Dismas code, are based on Jesus' teaching about what a community should look like. The values reflect who we are and how we want to be.  They define how we treat, not just each other, but everyone else who steps through our doors.  Here are three of the seven values that are read at each gathering:

         1/ We welcome and celebrate one another, regardless of religious or criminal convictions, knowing that we are all "offenders."
         5/ We will treat each other's story with confidentiality and love. Each story is sacred.
 and 7/ We are committed to ministering to each other as if he or she were Christ. 

    Take time to read them again.  Is this code easy to live out? Not always. Not often. It must be a conscious choice. These values can present some real challenges, especially when they clash with other codes we have lived by.  For instance, we often find ourselves in a place of judgement over others and quickly forget our own "offences." We categorize some crimes as more heinous than others and won't forgive them, while at the same time expecting forgiveness for what we have or haven't done. In God's eyes, we all need His forgiveness, and we all live by His grace. Without it we wouldn't have a chance.  According to the Dismas code, each story is sacred because God created and is actively working in each life and that might look different in every individual- but we respect each person as God's handiwork and as someone in process. We are called to serve each other, even if we may not particularly like the person we minister to. Can I see Jesus in that person sitting before me, around the Dismas circle?

    It is Jesus and his code we now follow.  Lets listen to what he said as he spoke about how we should treat each other.

        John 13:34, 35

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

    Luke 6:35

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

 He didn’t just say it, he lived it.  Hanging from a cross, unjustly tried and condemned, tortured, reviled, insulted, humiliated he said:  “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

     Now that is a new code: one to live by, one to die for.  When we grow to understand what Jesus’ code is, and as we see it reflected in his life and in the teaching, we must be willing to move from those old codes because that is what we are called to. We will sometimes struggle to accept the code, but it is worth it if we truly want to grow and leave behind our prejudices and the things that enslaved us.  Those other codes we lived by have let us down. They may have helped us survive to this point but they didn’t fill us, and didn’t help us to become who we knew God created us to be. Only following the code of Jesus will get us there.

Reflecting

(Plegaria by Eduardo Kingman - Ecuadorian artist)

       
A couple of days after the fact, I am spending some quiet time trying to understand what happened and more importantly why it happened, what God is wanting me to learn. 
        My heart stopped, at least two times on Thursday morning. I had "fainted" twice, at home before the ambulance was called so the last two events occurred in the presence of medical staff who could observe and respond. And respond they did, once with CPR.  Three days later, after the rush of hospitalization and all the action of hospital life, I am at home and reflecting on the events and their significance.  It is sinking in.  The words of the doctor struck home: "You left us for awhile and we thought we had lost you." It was not a heart attack. I have no heart damage. It seems I had a vasovagal response to something and my heart slowed.  It is completely unclear at this time why, or why so "dramatic" (doctor's words) a response because the heart does not usually stop. But mine did. 

       I believe in a God who really cares about us and tries to get through to us with His love and teach us and mould us. He knows what is best for us and wants us to get there. His love for us is so great that He treats each of us as individuals and dedicates His energies and efforts in helping each of us to become the people He intended us to be when He formed us in our mother's womb.  I believe this with all my "heart".  We are the ones who struggle with this and waste an incredible amount of time and effort by fighting Him. We think we know better. I have learned and am still learning, through failure, that I don't know better. Thirty-six years ago I asked Him to take control over my life and although in many areas I think I have grown and can live what I believe, I still resist in others. 
       What I am trying to explain is that, when something happens to me or someone says something that rocks me, I feel I need to ask God what He is saying. I don't know if He has a specific message for me yet. Maybe it will never be totally clear but here are some of the things I want to carry with me moving forward:

a) Life is a gift- I have heard it said by many others and repeated it many times myself.  It is a gift in that we didn't earn it. The question is: "What will we do with it?" 

b) Life is fragile.  I do what I can, exercise regularly, eat well, try to take care of myself- yet this happened. We have no guarantee of tomorrow. Live as God leads. Live fully today. 

c) Family- got to love them. Shared history bonds in powerful ways and supersedes time and distance. Thanks J and M for being there and for your support. Our family is an usual one with some special people from around the world grafted in: your love is real and we felt it. Oh yeah, by the way- I have a wonderful wife who I would be totally lost without!   :)

d) People- it is people who make life special. It is people we need to dedicate ourselves to: not things, not organizations, not activities but people. I am blessed by so many people who care and who reached out and/or prayed for Lil and I. I have been overwhelmed by texts, emails, messages and phone calls from people who are important to us and who feel we are important to them, both past and present. I feel totally unworthy of the expressions of concern and love I have received en dos idiomas: inglés y español. 

e) Opportunities- I was reminded during my short stay in the hospital of the opportunities that abound to show God's kindness and love to others. I shared a room with an elderly man suffering with dementia whose wife is wheelchair bound. She came to the hospital to visit him over the lunch hour but, after the tray arrived, was unable to assist him in opening his juice, buttering his bun or preventing him from burning his tongue by immediately spooning the steaming soup into his mouth. She rang for the nurse but she was with another patient and delayed in arriving. How wonderful it would have been for one of God's children to have been there to serve that couple in their need.  Even in a wealthy country like Canada we are surrounded by too many needs for me to believe that God doesn't want His people out there doing something/anything about it. Hospitals need dedicated and caring volunteers. Prison ministries need dedicated volunteers.  ________ need volunteers. Please fill in the blank and ask God if He wants you to fill the need.

Revolving Door

         It has been a while since I have written this blog.  Not that there isn't anything to say. I have been challenged by the ups and downs of working with people. Those of us in ministry understand that we do the best we can but the end product is out of our control because we work with people, and God knows, that people can sometimes, even though they have been given every opportunity to succeed, chose poorly and end up in a mess. Two men that I have been very involved with over the past 6 months have been struggling, one has been returned to prison and the other relapsed with drugs and is in danger of breaching probation.
       Someone asked me recently, after hearing that many people who are released from prison re-offend and are re-arrested: "Why would someone who has been in prison go back?"  The truth is that life for someone coming out of prison offers incredibly difficult challenges.  As I observe the process, it is surprising that any do succeed- but they do!

Factors that contribute to success:
             Hope
             Family support
             Education
             Employment
             Housing
             Supportive faith community
             Age
             Busyness
           
Factors that contribute to recidivism:
             Substance use
             Loneliness and isolation
             Financial hardship
             Under-treated mental health issues
             Frustration with bureaucracy and accessing services
             Homelessness
             Poor selection of friends
             Boredom
           
           
           
             

"One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus"

DANGER!!!!

       Believe it or not, a cell phone almost ruined a man this week. He has spent many many years in prison and has had very little success in staying out when he has been released. This time he has the best chance he has ever had because he joined a local Dismas group and has been surrounded by a support team that checks in with him each day and is committed to be there for him. 
     One of the first things he felt he needed when he came back to the community was a cell phone and, instead of getting advice from someone who might understand the best and cheapest way of doing that, was convinced to sign a contract for 2 years at a monthly fee that will eat up almost a half of his disposable income after rent.  He was very happy with his phone at first but then started getting frustrated when he inadvertently made changes to the ringer and sounds and didn't know what he had done or how to undo it. He didn't understand how to make it all work and felt that the salesperson had taken advantage of him.  He also began to understand that the cell phone is going to mean financial hardship for him too. His anger was building. The cell phone reminded him just how ill-equipped he is to adjust to a life out of prison. He felt used. He felt stupid. In the past, this kind of stress would always trigger him into drug seeking or anti-social behaviours. When he uses drugs, he goes back to prison- always. This time was different. This time he contacted his support team and was reminded of his need to be patient, not to be too hard on himself as we all make mistakes. This time he got through it and is learning to trust God and be patient with himself- he will figure that darn phone out!  
     His situation reminds me that each day is a challenge, each day presents opportunities to succeed or fail.  For some of us, a fail can mean the difference between freedom and imprisonment, between recovery and what might seem like devastating failure. (even our "failures" are opportunities to learn) Jesus told us to ask "this day" for our "daily bread". (Matthew 6:11) We need to trust God for today, and remember that he has a purpose for everything we face, every day.  Moses wisely asked him to "teach us to number our days" (Psalm 90:4)- to understand how fragile we are, not to take one day for granted, to value each day for what it is and make the most of it.  
     As I support men and women coming out of prison and learning to adjust to life "on the outside", I am reminded of these truths.